Ladies and Gentlemen – please join me in celebrating my 10^th wedding anniversary.

To be married is an event. To remain married is a choice and real hard work. My experience has been 360 degrees. There have been highs and lows, surprises – both pleasant and unpleasant in equal measure and growth. But in all, I remain indebted to one Emily Chimera for sacrificing to put up with a guy like me and molding me to be who I am now.

As I reflect back on the 10 years that have been, I can only share these 10 reasons that have made this marriage happen:

1. Getting the foundation right. Beauty, wealth and image are overrated when making spousal choices. It may sound cliché but truth is, having a soulmate whom you connect with is paramount. What worked for us is knowing that Emily and I share a common understanding of the place of faith and God in marriage. That for our marriage to work, it would take God. To that extent, our LIFE moto is motivated by T.D. Jakes authorship – Faith, Family and Finance (in that order).

2. Determination – it takes resolve to say we will remain married. Emily and I decided, that despite some hurdles, we will remain married. Not because of being complacent, but deciding to work out on anything that would separate us.

3. Love & Understanding – when Love has to be a verb. I have learnt to understand Emily’s love language and trying to love her in her language. I am the adventurous type and it is okay to love Emily in her conservative and introverted nature. Whilst I would go for sushi, it’s okay for her to go for Galitos flame grilled chicken!

4. Manage Expectations in Marriage – I can only explain using tech jargon here. When I got married, for like 1 year I was on hyper care (fruit salad before dinner, bag picked at the door entrance). At 2 years, I was put on warranty. There was a lot of L3 support from parents. Then at 5 years I was put on extended warranty. This is when the kids kicked in and I was reminded, “This is only for a season”. At 10 years, I am moving to guarantee status. Know what to expect at what season and be okay with it.

5. “Bedminton” – we have learn to create our own rules and enjoy the game. Whether it is a 4-2-4-2 or a 4-3-3 formation, what matters is ensuring that you win the game. Don’t play somebody’s game. We have learnt to tell each other that Kilimani mums will not define our standards.

6. Finances (our money is our money) – contrary to popular belief that her money is her money and my money is her money, we have learnt to practice joint planning and budgeting. We have established an approval matrix that allows either of us to spend without consulting the other party below given limits or expense on some specific cost centers. I mean, do I have to peddle in her space on what she spends on her hair?

7. From size 8 to 8 sizes – we all change. She was size 8, I was 1 GB. We have all increased in dimensions ostensibly because of motherly responsibilities on her part and being taken good care of by her. I have to understand these changes and with love help her get the groove back.

8. Stay on my lane – trying to understand a woman as a man can be a lot more difficult than understanding why President Trump is happy of the military offensive against the ISIS and dropping a GBU-43/B Massive Ordnance Air Blast Bomb (MOAB) in Nangahar, Afghanistan. Somethings are the way they are because they should be as such.

9. Loving and embracing In laws – I cannot thank Emily most for her understanding and cultural intelligence. A cross cultural marriage called for Emily and I understanding the dynamics and supporting each other through the adjustments. The best analogy for this – when a bird falls in love with a fish, the two have to learn to stay on land!

10. Directed Ambition – to imagine that I am pursuing expedition and relocation to the moon whilst she is investing in a ranch would have been recipe for disaster. Emily and I have had to make deliberate decision around career, investment and educational advancement that allows us to pursue an aligned dream.

Through this decade, God has blest us with an even bigger responsibility over Brian, Leah, Leon (RIP) and Noel. This is the ultimate responsibility and test of our marriage.

I do not consider to have concurred it all. But I press on towards the ultimate prize. When I face judgement, I desire not to be found wanting that I did not care for Emily as God would have desired.

Off for honeymoon – to visit with our ailing Grandma. I dedicate this anniversary celebration to her.